Loneliness has plagued me at various points in my life. I am an extrovert – I get energy from being around people, I crave quality time with people I love, and I NEED to verbally share my every thought with another human being. Unfortunately, my insecurities often keep me from sharing myself with others, and most people wouldn’t peg me as outgoing.
In many ways, motherhood has been among the most isolating experiences of my life. I spent hours pumping in a tiny room by myself at work. Later, I left my job teaching and the relationships I had fostered in the four years I was at my school. I cherished the precious time I got with my sweet baby, but I felt so alone when the demands of a new baby kept me from spending time with other people. Some people relish the times they can excuse themselves to go put their children to sleep. Not me.
When I was a freshman in high school, the Lord brought me into a group of friends who would forever change my life. Through circumstances only He could have orchestrated, I joined a youth group who passionately worshiped Jesus all the time. These friends showed me how to love and be loved by a personal God. They pushed me to try new things, go on adventures, and live boldly.
I thought we would be friends for the rest of our lives. I had a vision for the future – a future filled with never-ending bonfires and growing old singing Our God is an Awesome God in each other’s living rooms. Instead, when I moved away shortly after graduating high school, most of those friendships dissolved. Quickly. And, there are days when I still deeply mourn the loss.
But, I have been reminded of God’s faithfulness as he has seen my heart and met my deepest desires and needs. He has carefully chosen the right friendships to sustain over time and distance. His timing in bringing relationships that challenge, inspire, and excite me is always perfect. I’ve seen it over and over – from my teenage youth group, to my college friends, to my newest mom friends.
Two years in to motherhood, I have a new group of friends (or ‘tribe’, if you’ll allow me to use a buzz word). My closest friends are people God miraculously brought into my life. Some have remained friends even though we’ve lived in separate states for years. Some have children exactly the same age as mine and we practically live at each other’s houses. Each one has poured into my life and helped me to be a better mom and a better person.
So, that is why I wanted to be a part of this blog. Because, being a mom is lonely. I want to share successes and failures, great ideas and lousy ones, exciting moments and those that feel like they’ll never end.